I'll eat you up I love you so.

You're in every song I hear. Every thought I think. Could I be more in love? Doubt it. I think my mom believes. I definitely do. I like your voice. And talking to you. Your laugh, your smile, your face. Your back, your arms. I just love everything about you. I just want you forever. Can we do this? We can do this. We've talked about it before, it's not that hard if you think about it. You tell me not to go to a party school, because you don't want anything to happen. Trust me dear, I wouldn't dream of it. I'm too in love to even risk the chance of losing you. That almost happened once, it's sure as hell not happening again. I hope one day to wake up next to you. Like our nap, only every day, every night. Every night, crawling into bed next to you. I'd go to bed as early as you wanted. I know I said I wouldn't, that I'd make you stay up, but I would. I'd force myself awake so I could kiss you goodbye in the morning. That's such a long ways away. We can do this. Am I really the love of your life? I'm only 15. I think you'll find someone else. If you do, I hope you'll remember me, and the good times we've had. I'm tired now, I think I'll go to sleep. Goodnight.

-I feel like trash, you make me feel clean. I'm in the black, can't see or be seen. Baby, baby, baby, light my way-

Angel of Mercy.

Today, I wrote about you. I hate how sometimes it hits me just how much I need you. How much I miss you. I really should pick up the phone and call, but I'm too stubborn to even BEGIN to talk to my father about the last time we talked. Your face still remains in my dreams. I can still hear your voice. Your laughter replaces the other kids', and I tear up just thinking about you. You really have no idea how much you've impacted my life. I don't think you ever will. One day I'm just going to drive and come get you. No matter the distance. You're number one right now kid. I'd trade anything just for a day with you. Anything. I pinch myself to keep the tears back. To remind myself I can do this, that I'm stronger than I realize. That one day this will change. One day I'll be able to spread my arms wide and swing you around. One day we can go on our hikes through the backyard. One day I'll take you mowing again. Right when the sun sets. The best time. And while we're using mowing for a lame excuse to "drive", we'll sing. Like we always do. We'll sing Big Girls Don't Cry. I can't listen to that song anymore. I hear it weekly in English, and I have to tune it out. If I don't I'll get lost in my memories.. I just want to say I love you. With all I have. And if you ever need a place to stay, I'm here. Forever.