This year, I'm going to discover the world. I just know it. I don't want it to pass though. Cause next year while you're off having the time of your life, I'll be stuck in this sorry excuse of a town, alone. I called my father, no answer. My little brother is starting Pre-K, he's growing up so fast. School school school, I hate to love it. Today is a web of confusion, this won't make sense, but I feel like letting my mind run, while listening to the same song over and over. Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling. Spin me round again and rub my eyes, this can't be happening. When busy streets amass with people will stop to hold their heads heavy. Hide and seek, trains and sewing machines. All those years, they were here first.

When life gives you lemons, catch it, squash it, and say I wanted a fucking orange.

I'm sitting, wishing, waiting. Sitting, listening to the soundtrack of my life. Listening to the rain. The lovely, lovely rain. Wishing, that this separation would be over with. Wishing you were here. My father, whom I miss despite our odds. My brother, what's new there. & You. My dear, I've come to the conclusion I need you. Well, almost to this. Because even when I doubt this, and what it's becoming, I see us together. You're always in my head, I've given up fighting you off. You have no idea what you did to me when you sent that message, that no matter what anyone says, you'll never stop loving me the way you do. I stared at my phone with my mouth hanging open for several minutes, unable to breathe. I couldn't speak, and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating. I'm waiting for you. I'm waiting for you to say those words, the words you said you've never said before. Someting to the extent of- "Love's a big word, a word I'm saving for the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And the way my heart beats when you're near, I think you might be the one." They may just be words, that have no meaning behind them. You may have said that exact same thing to some other girl. & You may end up breaking my heart, but you just might end up holding it inside your own.

I miss you.

Everyday. "Time heals everything". BS. I feel the same way I did the day you were ripped away from me. The day when my world crashed down. To suffocate me. To tear me apart. I think about you all the time. There isn't a moment when I'm not. I'm watching the videos of us over & over, wishing it would go away. Except for it's not. It's not going away. You're still 600 miles away from me. I miss you Daniel. I dream about you all the time. I hear your voice in my head. That's all I hear these days. Is you. And I see your face. And it kills me. The fact that I have no idea when I'll see you next. It's been over a year since I saw you last. You, playing with me on the swinging chair. Not knowing what's going to happen next. Laying down, hugging me. You hugging me, not wanting to let go. Me not wanting you to let go. Me not wanting you to go.. "Emily's in the back room mom, can she come with us? Can we bring her with us? Why can't we? I want her to come mom. I want her to stay with me. Can she stay with me?" You, crying my name. You running to come get me, to beg me to stay with you. And her taking you. Taking you back to that house. Away from me. The one thing I love with all my heart in this world, is you. I love speaking to you on the phone, though it kills me a little more inside when I do. I fight back the tears and keep my voice strong so you won't know I'm broken. Shattered. I hated when you would cry while we were talking, because I couldn't do anything to comfort you. I couldn't protect you from whatever was wrong. I remember singing you to sleep on those summer nights. You asking me to. Asking me to tickle your back. Asking me to watch one more episode of Power Rangers. Just one. You'd always say that. And after it ended you'd ask if we could watch another one. Just one. And I'd give in. Those days, were the best days of my life. What I would give to have some more. Dear Lord, for all that's good, please give me some more.

Grounded for life;

I'm a juvenile delinquent. A horrible person. I'll be sitting on this
couch all of my life. Atleast I've got volleyball, I'd seriously be going
insane if I couldn't see my clique everyday. Only the fact that it's
kicking my butt.

Ohhhh boy, how I miss you. I saw you just the other day, but it feels
like so much longer. You suck me in, and I can't get enough. What I
would do to be able to see you everyday, to lay in bed, listening to
nothing but the sound of your heart beating.

I'm falling for you so fast it's scary.